Every day

In my head

I talk to you

About the Things

The Things You Need To Know

About me

And I ask you all the questions

About the Things I Need To Know About You

***

I watched you while you watched the movie

I think you didn’t see

I hope

Your shuffling feet almost made my heart burst

And I saw what you did with your fingernails

I wanted to offer you the ash tray, that’s where I put the remainder

But then I worried

Worried I was invading

Worried you appreciated the illusion of being unobserved

Worried you might be ashamed

Like I would probably be though I shouldn’t

So I didn’t

I just kept watching from the corner of my eye

How you nibbled away pieces of your fingernails

And collected them in a flap of your chic dress shirt

How you kept them there

All through the movie

And even when you got up to leave

You pinched them between index and middle finger

And tied your shoes with the remaining 8

I could see that you’ve done this a hundred-thousand times before

And I was in awe

***

And then I wish

Wish you’d see me as I see you

Or anyone, really

Wish you’d notice all those details about me

The way I notice all those details

Do you?

Wish you’d tell them back to me so I can see myself

From somebody else’s eyes

For a change

I want to be seen

Caught in the act like a thief in the night

I want this to stop.

---

Autistic agender writer of spec-fic about cyborgian creatures & the end of patriarchy. Rep’d by @LaurenBieker, words in Etherea Magazine and Flourish Fiction.

Twitter/Instagram: @len_klapdor